Inside the Secret Facebook Group Where Women Review Men They’ve Dated
12 novembro, 2024 4 minutos de leitura
There aren’t any good single men living in New York City. At least, that’s what everyone is constantly telling us. And when Deanna* relocated into the city late 2021 It was her turn examine if any truth to this assertion. Single after having a boyfriend who had been dating her for three months broke up with her through Snapchat, Deanna joined Hinge and Tinder. At the same time when a private Facebook community called Do You Dating The Same Guy NYC appeared as a must-follow. The group featured a thorough preliminary screening survey and community guidelines that served as a barrier to entry and was more than 43,000 members strong. Deanna was interested and so she joined.
The community
The community-which began with the very specific intention of helping women discover if they were dating other people – was established in the month of March 2022. In fact, nearly every big US city has a similar group now and the rules are clear: Anyone is allowed to be anonymous, not doxxing or posting sensitive information, or in any way screenshots leave the group. No bullying, no victim blaming or blaming others for the actions of another. Never let a man know that he’s seen on the list. Following the scandal on the heels of West Elm Caleb, an individual with whom many women in New York shared negative dating experiences and made connections online, it seemed many women were in the market for a way of seeking out other people who were like him.Read here datingfortodaysman At our site One TikTok user said in the moment This is why we need an app where we can leave reviews of guys we’ve dated on Hinge.
This is pretty much what this group had become when Deanna joined. Each version of Are We Dating the Same Guy serves as a space for women looking for dating advice or give advice to men who they’ve had bad experiences. Loyalty-testing long-term boyfriends-that is, this practice that involves sending them other girls to make them feel attractive on social media is also a trend. It’s not difficult for a person to fall into a tunnel of screenshots of Hinge profiles, stories of hookups that didn’t work, and memes about the perils of modern day dating. Many of the most popular posts feature pictures of a man with his name asking if anybody has matched with or had a relationship with the person of interest. Red-flag emoji are a frequent appearance on sporadic but alarming posts warning of an ex-partner or bad night frequently accompanied by a downward arrow and ominous phrases See comments for more info.
The popularity of online dating has been a major factor in our prospects in recent years A recent study revealing that around 39% of heterosexual couples met their loved ones online. Therefore, it is only natural that the romantic aspect of romance is changing to the online age. Instead of gathering with the same group of people over a drink, or discussing the issues with colleagues, we are seeking the counsel of 43,000 women going through similar-and in some cases almost identical experiences.
It’s demystified this idea that dating is easier for some women than it is for others, says Ellie A group member. Not to imply that there’s no advantages for some women but it was helpful for me to reconsider my perspective on dating. It’s not a contest for women with each other, however it is instead holding men to a much higher standard than before.
It’s not lost on me, however, that the kind of behavior that’s supported and facilitated in Are We the Dating the Same Guy would be warning signs if used by prospective suitors. Photos, photos of private discussions, and screenshots posted without the other party’s consent or knowledge are common. People dig up social media profiles almost on a daily basis. And it doesn’t take much for a partner to get to be the center of attention. While Deanna likes being part of the group, she does have some reservations. Sometimes you see people posting ‘If he wanted to, he would’ about paying for things or picking you up in an Uber, she adds. But I’m guessing that you’ll have to deal with the fact that it can become this echo chamber of men have forced us to do this for so long, and we’re ready to give it back.
We still live in the patriarchal system
We live in the patriarchal system, and until we’re truly equal in our online interactions, they will produce different outcome based on the individual’s background. But, can a group like this truly be an active source of empowerment on one side on the other hand and be a source of reprehensible to the point of being incensed on the other? Are We All Dating the Same Guy? It’s hyperlocal and interconnected, which is only beneficial to those who live and have a relationship in the city where the group is based in. The women, and the men they post about can be your neighbor your coworker, friend family member, or the most of all, a recent Hinge match. But there’s a lack of personalization that occurs when operating on the internet, which makes it feel like games. It’s no stretch for me to say this is in opposition to the individuals in both groups. This is particularly true when the details about private interactions, conversations and even photos are shared without information or consent. Often, this is in the name of entertainment.